WHEEE! WHEEE! WHEEE!

Is there anything more fun than seeing a Sarah Langs WHEEE!

Actually, there is — how about THREE Sarah Langs’ WHEEEES! on the same night?

To the Win Probability Charts, Robin!

The Rangers led 3-1 early after knocking Logan Gilbert around a little bit in the third inning. They led 3-2 going into the ninth inning, and sent out their closer of the month, Robert Garcia. Luke Jackson was their closer in April, and that wasn’t great. They tried Shawn Armstrong in May, and that wasn’t too good either. Then they gave Chris Martin a shot in June — not the Coldplay guy — and they didn’t feel too great about that either. The Rangers have been underperforming in close games all year.

Now it was Robert Garcia. He threw five pitches. The second was a pretty good fastball off the plate that Dominic Canzone ripped to right for a single. The fifth was a not-as-good fastball that was up — J.P. Crawford launched that to right for the walkoff homer.

As WHEEES! go, this was pretty standard. The other two were very much not.

On any other night, this would have been the thriller of the night … the Yankees led this game 6-0 and were pretty close to 100 percent win probability going into the bottom of the fifth. The Yankees did most of their damage against a Marlins pitcher named Janson Junk (really!), who actually does rely quite a bit on his junk pitches like the sweeper and slow curve. Good on Janson for staying true to his name.

But then the Marlins scored four thanks to big hits from Javier Sanoja and Liam Hicks. How can you not love the Marlins’ names?

Then the Yankees seemed to put the game away again when Trent Grisham smooshed a three-run homer off another wonderful name, Anthony Bellozo. That made it 9-4, and the Yankees had a 97% win probability.

And … the Marlins scored six in the seventh — Kyle Stowers hit a grand slam and Javier Sanoja Sa-homered again, this time off Yankees newcomer David Bednar.

Anthony Volpe homered for the Yankees to tie the game in the eighth. He hit this home run off a pitcher named Lake Bachar, which I’m pretty sure is up in Northern Wisconsin — there’s a lovely antique shop in Lake Bachar, from what I remember.

Then the Yankees FINALLY seemed to put the game away in the ninth with a couple of runs off Anthony Bender, who messed with the bull and got the horns.

And in the bottom of the ninth, WHEEE!, the Marlins scored three off newcomer Camilo Duval, the key play coming when Xavier Edwards singled to right and the ball just scooted by Yankee rightfielder Jose Caballero. It was a bad, bad night for the Yankees’ trade deadline pickups.

Feast your eyes on this Win Probably Chart, sports fans, because you’re likely to never see its likes again. The Pirates scored NINE runs in the first inning — a titanic Oneil Cruz grand slam plus a more moderate three-run homer by Andrew McCutchen handled most of the damage — and there ain’t no way the Colorado Rockies are coming back from that.

But, of course, you know they DO come back, or this wouldn’t be a WHEEE! How did they do it? Well, first, here’s a quiz: Which character name was NOT invented by Thomas Pynchon?

If you said, D. Yashmeen Halfcourt, you’d be wrong, but I couldn’t blame you, that totally sounds like someone who would play for the Rockies. The actual answer is Warming Bernabel — who hit a three-run homer in the third to make it 9-4.

The Pirates made it 12-4.

Then it was 12-6.

Then 15-6.

Yeah, it was like that all night long, an old-fashioned high-altitude Rockies game.

The Pirates went into the eighth inning up 16-10 and with a 99% win probability. Even when the Rockies’ Yanquiel Fernández homered in the eighth, the Pirates still had a four-run lead going into the bottom of the ninths, and it’s hard to blow a four-run lead against anybody, much less the Colorado Rockies, much much less when you send out Dennis Santana, who came into the game with a 1.36 ERA and one home run allowed in 46 innings.

But Santana grooved a slider to Hunter Goodman, who knocked it out for a solo home run. That made it 10-7. He then walked Jordan Beck, and he threw another groovy slider to Scarsdale Vibe, no, Doc Sportello, no, I’m sorry, Warming Bernabel, who lofted it over third base for a triple. After another single by Thairo Estrada, Santana was left to face Brenton Doyle, and he threw his slider on the inside part of the plate, and Doyle turned on it, smashed it out, a walk-off home run, and the ultimate WHEEE!

Sarah is so right. Baseball is the best.

📓 This is Joe’s Notebook.
Half-formed thoughts, instant reactions, and nonsense (usually baseball) in real time.
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