Trades, Pens, and Banjo Hitters

This week, I’m dropping 100 random thoughts down to 50 so I can go a little more in-depth on them. Plus, we’re adding Brilliant Reader random thoughts! We’ll see how you like it.

If you’d like to send in a random thought about anything at all, just drop it in an email!

1) Mike Schur sends along the following awful screenshot:

2) It really is possible that the season is too long.

3) The Pirates traded defensive maestro Ke’Bryan Hayes to the Reds on Tuesday, and it’s a hard reminder — that bat never did come around. I really thought it would. Lots of people did. Before the 2021 season, Baseball America ranked Hayes as the 15th-best prospect in baseball and wrote this: “Hayes has the potential to be an offensive cornerstone the Pirates build their lineup around. … Hayes could be a perennial all-star third baseman who hits for average and power and wins Gold Gloves with regularity.”

When he hit .271 with 15 homers in 2023, all of that still seemed possible.

Since then, he’s hitting .234/.281/.290. Yes, he’s slugging .290. It’s far and away the lowest slugging percentage for any player with more than 600 plate appearances over those two seasons. I don’t get it, he’s such a dynamic athlete, such a good defender, but you can’t put up a 60 OPS+ and play in the big leagues, no matter how good your defense is. Maybe Terry Francona can fix him.

4) I’m going to do this quickly, off the top of my head — so I reserve the right to change any or all of these — but here are my Top 10 baseball terms/slang:

5) It’s trade deadline day, and I guess the most exciting players on the market are Chicago’s Luis Robert, Miami’s Sandy Alcantara, Baltimore’s Cedric Mullins and San Diego’s Dylan Cease.

The last one, which has been rumored for weeks, makes no sense to me. I mean, the Padres are very much in the World Series fray, and trading Cease would be a pure money dump (he’s a free agent at the end of the season). Cease has struggled (3-10, 4.79 ERA) all year — though many of those struggles might be bad luck. His FIP is more than a run less than his ERA, and he leads the league in strikeouts per nine innings.

Trading Cease now as a rental, in the midst of a disappointing season, honestly, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. I mean, how much could the Padres even get for him? Ride Cease to the finish and see how the season plays out.

6) The Padres made a move already today — they dealt one of the very best prospects in baseball, shortstop Leo De Vries, to Oakland for closer Mason Miller. The Padres already HAVE a closer, but I guess there’s talk of making Miller a starter (a very Padres thing). The thought swirling about is that this might free up AJ Preller to make that Cease deal after all. I dunno. This trade looks pretty terrible, and I still don’t think they’ll get much for Cease, but we’ll see how it all plays out.

7) Here’s how old I am: Do you know Jackson Kowar? He’s back in the big leagues now; he was a Kansas City first-round pick out of Florida a few years ago, a pretty big prospect, lost 2020 as all minor leaguers did, made it the big leagues, struggled a bit, got traded to Atlanta, got traded again to Seattle, blew out his elbow, needed Tommy John surgery. It’s been a whole thing.

But now he’s back in the big leagues, pitching out of the Seattle bullpen, pitching pretty well, actually, It’s nice to see for a pitcher who caught some bad breaks and is about to turn 29.

8) What does this have to do with my age? Brilliant Reader Mark just informed me that I went to college with Jackson’s FATHER, Frank Kowar, who pitched at Charlotte and then pitched briefly in the minors.

9) I’ll never get used to getting old.

10) My pal Jane Leavy’s new book, “Make Me Commissioner,” is coming out on September 9. You’ll want to preorder that now.

11) The Mariners made a little history on Wednesday when they traded three prospects to Arizona to reacquire Eugenio Suárez. No team in baseball history had ever managed to make a midseason trade for a player with 35 home runs. The record, according to our favorite person, Sarah Langs, was 34 homers when the Cardinals traded for Mark McGwire in July of 1997.

The A’s got three youngish players for McGwire — Eric Ludwick, T.J. Mathews and Blake Stein — but none of them really turned out.

12) It will be interesting to see how much of an impact Suárez can make in Seattle, but for today, I think the big story here is that the Diamondbacks are giving up on the season. Can’t blame them, I guess. Frankly, as Brilliant Reader Jon points out, it feels like the National League playoff lineup is set and the rest of the season will be about seeding the teams. I mean, you look at the wildcard standings:

It’s not impossible, I suppose, for the Reds to sneak into the mix, but it feels pretty unlikely. There’s not a whole lot to separating the top six teams, really, but after that, you have to hit the spacebar a few times.

13) OK, so here’s the deal about the Eephus: The word was used a lot in the 1930s in a bunch of different ways. Some used it the way that someone might now use the word “scoop” as “deal,” as in “What’s the eephus with all Marian on Gilded Age? Is she really going to just leave a note for her fiancé calling off the wedding because he went to a bachelor party? Without even letting him explain? Really?”

I also saw it used the way you might use “curse” or “whammy” as in — “they really put the ol’ eephus on ‘em.”

In 1934, a wonderful little note appeared in papers across the country.

The first pitcher I see in the papers who threw something called an eephus pitch was Washington’s Jimmie DeShong in 1936.

But it wasn’t until 1943 that the word Eephus started appearing specifically to describe the high-arcing pitch that Rip Sewell threw. The word was apparently coined — or at least borrowed — by Rip’s catcher, Al Lopez.

“What an eephus?” someone asked Lopez. “I never heard of such a word.”

“Neither did I,” Lopez said. “But then I never saw such a pitch.”

14) Since I mentioned Jimmie DeShong I should say that he was on-field shooting video of the 1937 All-Star Game in Washington. Apparently, in the background, he captured footage of President Franklin Roosevelt walking. That footage was later donated by his daughter to the Pennsylvania State archives and was used in Ken Burns’ documentary “The Roosevelts.”

15) You never know what you’re going to get here at JoeBlogs, do you?

16) Did you see the story that Michael Phelps has agreed to teach Baltimore Ravens players how to swim? According to the story, one out of every three Ravens does not know how to swim, which kind of blows my mind. If this is true across the NFL, then EVERY team should hire somebody to teach their guys how to swim. I’ll have to talk to my pal Mel Stewart, Olympic Gold Medalist and founder of SwimSwam, about this. I’ll bet we could create a super-swimming teaching lineup for pro athletes. It doesn’t have to be Michael Phelps. I’m sure Katie Ledecky, Missy Franklin, Ryan Lochte, Janet Evans and Brooke Forde and pretty much every other top swimmer in America would be happy to help.

17) Swimmers are nice that way.

18) You would probably guess that Aaron Judge has the highest batting average on balls in play … and you’d be right. His BABIP is at .409. But I don’t know that you’d guess who’s second — that would be Tampa Bay’s Jonathan Aranda at .408.

It doesn’t seem to make much sense. Aranda’s career BABIP coming into the season — admittedly in just 333 plate appearances, but still — was .276. But here’s the thing: Aranda is smoking the ball this year. He’s barreling the ball like a star — he’s in the top seven percent in baseball in exit velocity, hard hit percentage and sweet spot percentage. The BABIP is surprising but not lucky. Aranda is smoking baseballs.

19) The Mets got Cardinals star closer Ryan Helsley for a couple of prospects, and now St. Louis’ Nolan Arenado is supposedly rethinking his opposition to being traded. This is the toughest time for a ballplayer — Arenado’s bat has lost its punch. He’s no longer the acrobat at third base; he’s going to be 35 next season, and he has two more years on his contract.

This is the conundrum of greatness. How does a potential Hall of Famer want to spend his final days in the big leagues? And how easy is it to admit to oneself that these ARE the final days?

20) From Brilliant Reader Chad: “I’ve noticed that when I search for baseball players, often the Google search results will include a box showing stats for that player. Only, instead of showing career stats, it shows stats from the player’s most recent season (it's pretty inconsistent - sometimes it shows up for some players, other times it doesn’t). I’m not sure how many people who search for, say, Tony Perez, are looking for a shortcut to find his basic hitting stats from 1986.

21) Chad, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I mean, when you look up Sandy Koufax, you are obviously hoping they will include a few of his obscure HITTING STATS from his last season. I mean, Google gives the people what they want!

22) Shakespearean hero Roman Anthony got off to a terrible start — but in his last 26 games, he’s hitting .347/.451/.505 with 10 doubles. The one thing he’s not doing yet is hitting home runs … but that will come.

23) I’ve been very clear about where I stand on Billy Joel, so it’s utterly shocking to me that (a) We started watching that Billy Joel documentary and (b) I absolutely love it. Like truly love it. Like obsessed with it. Have I been lying to myself all these years? Have I secretly been a Billy Joel fan all along? And so it goes.

24) Brilliant Reader Tom asks me to come up with my “Greatest living team.” OK, I’m currently on a plane, writing this on my phone, so forgive any obvious misses:

25) From Brilliant Reader Sean: During my research for my upcoming Little League baseball broadcasts, I stumbled upon an interesting fact listed by one of the players on the New Jersey Little League team. Boden Dunlap, a player on the team, listed his favorite book as... Why We Love Baseball (!!!!).

26) Boden Dunlap is now our favorite baseball player in the world, replacing Mookie Betts.

27) Pal Gary Gullman has a wonderful bit about when you should actually change your oil every 3,000 miles. If you look closely, you will see that you should only change your oil that often if you do a lot — and we do mean A LOT — of start and stop and start driving.

So Gary says, that if you’re wondering if you do that much start-and-stop driving, you should ask yourself one simple question: “Am I the ice cream man?”

In that spirit, I have been thinking about when you should vote to give billionaires a new palace for their sports teams to play in. As you know, owners don’t like spending their own money on stadiums (Not at these prices!) and would like financially strapped communities to pick up some, preferably most, and even more preferably all of the cost. The owners’ pitches for this seemingly inane ask range from:

It is the last of these — the economic impact argument — that usually carries the day, even though every economist not on the “Committee for Stadiums are Awesome” payroll plan has shot down every rosy economic projection for new stadiums as inflated nonsense. Well, here’s my question: Let’s say you DO believe the economic impact argument, spurious as it might be. Let’s say you really believe that building a new stadium for billionaires who could build it themselves in Cleveland or Washington or Las Vegas or Tampa Bay or anywhere else WOULD spur the economy.

When should this belief actually spur you to vote for the deal?

And I think I’ve boiled it down to one question: “Do I own a Cheers-style bar that is located with .4 miles of where the new stadium will be built?”

If the answer is yes, by all means, vote to give the billionaire a new stadium.

28) Why do hotel rooms leave the television on for your arrival?

29) From Brilliant Reader John: We aren’t talking nearly enough about Antonio Senzatela’s quest for 20 losses.

30) You are 100% right, John. The Rockies’ Antonio Senzatela is 4-14 this year with a 6.68 ERA. We talk about the death of the 20-game winner, but I was pretty sure that when Mike Maroth lost 20 games in 2003 (21 to be exact) that the days of the 20-game loser were done forever. But our guy Senze has a chance, a real chance. If he can just keep letting the league hit .349/.400/.550 — those are his actual batted-against split.

31) From Brilliant Reader Bobby: Charlie Morton is 3rd all-time in career HBP, with 195 in 2221 IP. Next up: Eddie Plank (196 in 4495.7 IP). All-time leader: Walter Johnson (203 IN 5914.7 IP).

32) I love this SO much. Morton’s next plunk ties Plank.

33) Charlie Morton has hit NINETY-FOUR more batters in his career than Bob Gibson did.

34) Check out Paul Skenes’ first two years as a big league pitcher:

Hmm. Which is the better season (at least so far)? More strikeouts in Year 1, but he’s giving up fewer home runs now. His ERA and FIP are both lower in Year 2. He’s also lasting just a little bit longer per start in Year 2.

All in all, I’d say Year 2 is a little bit better!

35) Check out Paul Skenes’ records from his first two years as a big league pitcher:

Yep. The won-loss record is pretty dumb.

36) Mookie remains the Greatest Living American (h/t to Brilliant Reader Mark)

37) From Brilliant Reader Tim: Kyle Schwarber just got his 1000th hit. I looked up his stats, and if my math is correct, 497 of his hits have been for extra bases. I am hoping you can do a deep dive and find out the 10 hitters who have the highest percentage of extra-base hits.

38) A deep dive on the ten is a great idea … but for now, let me give you a shallow dive:

Up to the moment, Schwarbs has 1,006 hits, of which 502 are for extra bases — he’s so close to that magical 50% mark. Only four players with 500-plus career hits are over 50%, and if you are the sort of baseball fan who loves this kind of stuff (and I know you are!), you can absolutely guess, well, all four of them.

And to help you guess, I’ll give you three players who just missed.

39) OK, ready for your Top 5?

No. 5: Kyle Schwarber, 49.9%.

What makes this even more amazing is Schwarbs doesn’t hit doubles or triples either.

No.4: Chris Carter, 50.4%

Chris Carter was a strikeout machine who hit bombs. Led the league in homers in 2016 for Milwaukee. Not to Chris Davis, a strikeout machine who led the league in homers in 2013 and 2015 of Khris Davis, a strikeout machine who led the league in homers in 2018. What’s with the Chrisses?

No. 3: Russell Branyan, 50.6%

Russell the Muscle is probably my friend Chardon Jimmy’s favorite ever player. He never played quite enough, but he mashed 194 home runs over his career with the exact same At-Bat per Homer percentage as, um, Mickey Mantle.

No. 2: Mark McGwire, 51.7%

Had six triples in his entire career (four of them in his rookie season). Never had even 30 doubles in a season. But when it comes to pure home run hitting — nothing but home run hitting — I think McGwire, like James Brown, is the king of them all, y’all.

And No. 1 by a million miles:

No. 1: Joey Gallo, 58.3%

Joey Gallow has only 557 career hits in more than 3,400 plate appearances. But 325 of those are for extra bases. What a strange and wonderful player Gallo was.

40) Our Baseball Card of the week features Landry from Friday Night Lights. Exciting. He was always one of my favorite characters, despite that horrendous turn in the better-forgotten Season 2.

Hold on. I’m being told that’s actually a 1961 Jim Kaat card. Still a great card.

40) Did you see this story about how the Foo Fighters and Nine Inch Nails traded drummers? This is so much fun, and I wish all bands did stuff like this. Wouldn’t it have been awesome if Van Halen had traded Sammy Hagar and a roadie to be named for, like, Pat Benatar or Bruce Dickinson?

41) THE Bruce Dickinson.

42) At this very moment, the Pittsburgh Pirates have two of the top five prospects in all of baseball — shortstop Konnor Griffin and pitcher Bubba Chandler.

43) Tampa Bay’s Junior Caminero has not hit into a double play in a week, and it’s bumming me out. He’s still at 26 and losing momentum in the chase of Jim Rice’s seemingly unbreakable double play record of 36.

44) From Brilliant Reader Erik: Seven players have led the league in doubles, triples and home runs at different times in their careers. They are:

Erik brings this up in the context of Shohei Ohtani, who has led the league in triples and home runs, so he is a mere doubles title shy of joining this ancient group of legends.

But here’s the thing: Shohei doesn’t really hit a lot of doubles. He only has 13 this year. He’s never had 40 in a season. When Shohei hits them, they stay hit.

45) By the way, only one player on that list — meaning only one player in baseball history — has led the league in singles, doubles, triples and homers. That one player, obviously, is Ty Cobb. It’s actually bananas: He led the league in singles five times, doubles three times, triples four times, and homers once. Cobb HATED homers.

46) How did I cut this random thoughts thing in half from 100 to 50 and end up with it being LONGER? I am not well.

47) I guess Tom Brady is going around these days and just whining that people don’t want to win as much as he did. First, he poked at golfer Scottie Scheffler for saying that he prioritized being a good father and husband over being a good golfer (“Why are those mutually exclusive?” Brady asked), and now he questions Birmingham coach Wayne Rooney’s work ethic.

48) I’ll bet Tom was just a joy to play with. But he won.

49) I remember asking my math teacher many years ago, “What a good trick for remembering what 7 × 7 equals?” And she said, “One way to remember it is to just remember that 7 × 7 equals 49.” I’ve never forgotten it since.

50) How about this photo from Brilliant Reader Anthony: Rainbow over Fenway.