First Annual Emoji Trade Deadline Review

Arizona Diamondbacks: 🐍

There’s a clarity of vision in Arizona — General Manager Mike Hazen realized that his team just doesn’t have the stuff this year, and he made a bunch of veteran trades in an effort to get younger. And they did it without touching their core. It’s not exciting, but this is what you do when you realize that you’re probably not going to win this year.

For a counter: Look at the Atlanta Braves.

Atlanta Braves: ✒️

As William Shakespeare wrote: “Neither a borrower nor lender be,” and it’s pretty clear the Braves had no idea what to do in the midst of a crushingly disappointing season. Sell? Buy? Neither! They basically did nothing, which is always the worst answer for a team that is 16 games under .500. You’ve got to pick a lane or watch your team slowly swirl down the drain.

Baltimore Orioles: 🥸

If there’s one thing the Baltimore Orioles know how to do, it’s tank. Orioles fans always get mad at me when I say that and will go point by point to explain how the Orioles were never really tanking if you look super closely at their horrific run from 2018 to 2021. They were trying! They were being smart! Etc. And I concede again, as I always do, that these fans definitely know more about their club than I do.

But to me, it sure looks like the Orioles were very good at tanking and developing prospects — including the No. 1 prospect in baseball three years in a row — and then the dog caught the car, and the Orioles won 100 games, and they were CONTENDERS, and they had no idea what to do. It’s like the final scene of “The Candidate” after Robert Redford won the election and asked, “Now what?”

Two years after winning 100 games, the Orioles are in last place, and they spent the deadline dealing off their expiring contracts for minimal return. The future looks meh.

Boston Red Sox: 😡

The Red Sox did pretty much nothing at the deadline — Steven Matz? Dustin May? — but what really seems to have Red Sox fans fuming is that GM Craig Breslow wants points for effort! “There’s not a lot of sympathy for how hard we tried to get deals across the line,” he told reporters, and I don’t know that you could string together 17 words that more clearly say, “I have no idea what it means to be the general manager of the Boston Red Sox.”

California Angels: 😇

I never know what the Angels are trying to do, and after this trade deadline, I still don’t know what the Angels are trying to do. They picked up a couple of old and perfectly fine middle relievers in Andrew Chafin and Luis Garcia. Did they have meetings about this? Did they say: You know what’s separating us from glory? Andrew Chafin and Luis Garcia?

The Angels really are their own thing.

Chicago Cubs: 🥱

I guess the Cubs feel pretty good about their position because they didn’t really do anything exciting. They did get Will Castro from the free-falling Twins, and he’s useful. But it was mostly a yawner trade deadline, and honestly, that might just be by design. The Cubs might truly believe that they’re better than the Brewers — it sure looks that way on paper — and will trust in that.

Chicago White Sox: 👌🏼

I’m using that emoji to represent “zero” rather than “OK,” but it works either way — the White Sox didn’t do much. They couldn’t do much. They didn’t have much to do. They did hold on to Luis Robert Jr., which is, you know, maybe OK? Maybe not?

Look, the White Sox are about to get their 41st win, which will match all of last season, and they now have two or three top prospects, so all in all, you look at this year as a step forward.

Cincinnati Reds: 🧤

I want the Ke’Bryan Hayes deal to work. I really do. I like watching Hayes play third base about as much as I like anything in baseball. He can’t hit at all — or at least he hasn’t hit at all for the last two years — and that’s a bit of a drawback. But if he can just turn the bat around a little bit, just get a bit closer to league average, then the Reds got themselves a fantastic ballplayer because that glove is special.

Cleveland Guardians: 🫤

They traded Shane Bieber … and didn’t do much else. I suppose you count it as a win when the Guardians don’t trade away their best players. The Guardians are .500 now. They should finish the year .500. They are the most .500 team imaginable.

Colorado Rockies: 🏔️

Well, hey, they did something, I guess. They traded Ryan McMahon and Jake Bird to the Yankees for prospects. Even though it all feels super-minor, it will probably backfire because they’re the Rockies.

Detroit Tigers: 🤔

The Tigers really do much to improve their chances … but their chances were pretty darned good already; they have a nine-game lead in a division with middling teams unlikely to make a move. They did pick up Charlie Morton, who I just learned is the greatest plunker in the history of baseball. He has hit 195 batters in about 2,200 innings — you have to go back to the 19th century to find pitchers who hit batters at that pace.

By the way, Eric Plunk only hit 32 batters in more than 1,100 innings. Seems a shame.

Houston Astros: 😎

Bringing back Carlos Correa was cool. I have no idea how much it will help because none of us know what Correa has left — but he’s a Houston icon, and this team keeps finding ways to win even without some of their big stars of the past.

Would it surprise me if Correa had a renaissance and led the Astros on a great playoff run? No, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Kansas City Royals: 😉

Here’s what I will always say about JJ Picollo’s Kansas City Royals: They’re trying. Will 30-somethings Randall Grichuk and Mike Yastrzemski notably change the Royals’ outlook? No, of course not. But the Royals are a team that just keeps trying to squeeze a couple of wins wherever they can, and I dig it.

Plus: Baby Yaz in Kansas City! That’s fun.

Los Angeles Dodgers: 😴

For the first time in recent memory, the Dodgers didn’t do anything splashy or interesting. They’ll play the expensive cards they were dealt.

Miami Marlins: 🙅🏼

I’m told this is the emoji for “No,” which is what the Marlins apparently said to all the Sandy Alcantara and Edward Cabrera suitors. This is not a team known for holding on to its players, so maybe this is a new age in Miami?

Milwaukee Brewers: 👩🏽‍🎓

I don’t imagine there will be any books written about them — unless, you know, they find lightning during the playoffs — but this Brewers front office might just be smarter than everyone else. Every year, we think they’re finished. Every year, they’re back on top of the division doing stuff nobody understands.

So, no, I don’t understand exactly why they traded for two injured pitchers in Shelby Miller and Jordan Montgomery. Miller is progressing, I guess, and might return. Montgomery will definitely not pitch this year, and then he’s a free agent. But you know what? It’s probably genius and we just aren’t seeing it yet.

Minnesota Twins: 🤬

They traded away everybody. In all, they dealt 10 players off their big league roster, and several others were probably only saved because they were on the injured list. I was surprised when they announced on Thursday that they had traded me to Texas. I didn’t even know they could do that!

The big move was obviously dealing Carlos Correa to Houston, and I don’t really know how good Correa is anymore. He’s had a rough season. But I will say that nobody understood why or how the Twins signed Correa in the first place, and the salary dump was inevitable.

New York Mets: 🔥

It’s always dangerous to say too many nice things about the New York Mets. As every Mets fan knows, the universe tends to take notice when too many good things happen and then balance the scales. That said, the Mets came into this trade deadline needing what? Bullpen help. More bullpen help. A centerfielder.

And …

Bullpen help: Blammo, they got Ryan Helsley from St. Louis.

More bullpen help: Blammo, they got Tyler Rogers from San Francisco.

Centerfielder: Blammo, they got Cedric Mullins from Baltimore.

They’re the Mets, and so you can never be too sure. But this sure looks like a team poised for October.

New York Yankees: 😏

They really shored up the bullpen with several relievers, including David Bednar, and they got third baseman Ryan McMahon, who is doing that Yankees thing of destroying baseballs donning the pinstripes. But I liked this haul less than a lot of others; this team is going to thrive or dive based on the health of a big guy named Judge.

Philadelphia Phillies: 💪

In many ways, the Phillies helped themselves more than anybody … with just one player. The Phillies’ biggest problem is the bullpen. That’s a Philadelphia tradition right up there with cheesesteaks. And the Phillies went out and got Jhoan Durán, one of the most dominant closers in all of baseball.

They could have used a little more hitting — Harrison Bader will probably not fix the hole in left field — but honestly, this team should hit enough, and their rotation is aces, and if Durán can dominate, then the Phillies just took one giant leap forward.

Pittsburgh Pirates: 🏴‍☠️

It was the same sad song — the Pirates were not too active, and most people I talk with think they didn’t get enough for Ke’Bryan Hayes or David Bednar. The Pirates do have some exciting young prospects and a guy named Skenes, so the future doesn’t look hopeless. But at the same time, do you trust this organization to do what it takes to become relevant again?

Sacramento Athletics: 🥹

We talk often here about the incompetence of A’s ownership. We don’t talk enough here about the quiet effectiveness of that A’s front office, led by David Forst. It’s hard to imagine anyone being dealt a worse hand than Forst and Co.— incompetent owner, angry fans, no money, minor league stadium, etc. — but the A’s have developed the most exciting young hitter in the game in Nick Kurtz, they have a human highlight reel centerfielder in Denzel Clarke, they’ve got a hitting machine shortstop in Jacob Wilson.

And now they just traded reliever Mason Miller — a superb 26-year-old reliever who they found in the third round at Gardner-Webb University — for the No. 3 prospect in all of baseball, an 18-year-old shortstop named Leo De Vries who is already holding his own in High Class A ball at the age of 18. In an era when nobody deals top prospects, this is like a miracle.

Plus, David is a huge Springsteen fan. I need to talk to him about the huge song dump Bruce just did.

San Diego Padres: 🥳

AJ Preller fascinates me. The guy’s obviously a kook, he makes crazy deals, he gives away prospects like they’re Tootsie Rolls, he goes for big headlines, and he hasn’t won a thing. But he’s also the second-longest tenured GM in baseball behind only Brian Cashman, and he’s back at it again as he deals the No. 3 prospect in baseball for Mason Miller. It could backfire, and probably will, but then again Miller might be the October superweapon that leads the Padres to their first World Series championships. It’s always a party in San Diego.

San Francisco Giants: 😕

If you count the Rafael Devers trade, the Giants have been bold this year. But they weren’t bold at all at the deadline, dealing Mike Yastrzemski and Tyler Rogers and Camilo Doval with a clear “I guess there’s always next year” vibe. That was probably the right thing to do — I don’t think the Giants have enough firepower to make a playoff run — but it feels disappointing.

Seattle Mariners: 🤭

It cracks me up that the Mariners made perhaps the boldest move of the entire offseason … by simply making another trade with the Arizona Diamondbacks for Eugenio Suárez.

November 2023: Mariners trade Suárez to Arizona for Carlos Vargas and Seby Zavala.

July 2024: Diamondbacks trade Suárez to Seattle for Tyler Locklear and two other prospects.

I hope the Mariners and Diamondbacks keep trading Suárez back and forth every so often for the next 20 years.

By picking up Suárez (on pace for 50-some homers!) and Josh Naylor, the Mariners offense actually has some punch. They’ll be interesting to watch down the stretch.

St. Louis Cardinals: 😕

The Cardinals have long been about stability … and that’s about to change as John Mozeliak steps down and Chaim Bloom steps in. For a while, the Cards were playing over their heads; lately, they have been playing under their heads, and other than dealing Helsley, this was a boring “Let’s just get to the end of the season and reevaluate” type of trade deadline.

Tampa Bay Rays: 🤷🏻

When I first heard that there was a player named Hunter Feduccia, I thought: “Huh, he’s a Tampa Bay Ray, right?” Well, he is now!

Texas Rangers: 🤠

They got Merrill Kelly, which is fine, and this still seems to me the most talented team in the division, but the hitters still haven’t awoken, and it’s Cowboys season.

Toronto Blue Jays: 😐

Hey, they, got pitcher Shane Bieber. That might be something. The Jays have a bunch of players coming back from injury, so I guess they’re hoping that will keep their momentum going. But, yeah, they could have done more.

Washington Nationals: 🎁

The Nationals continued their “let’s trade for a bunch of prospects and hope we get a nice surprise inside.” To be fair, that was probably the only thing they COULD do at this trade deadline; new general manager Mike DeBartolo didn’t have a lot ot work with. So he dumped six veterans for prospects and will hope for the best.