Alex Bregman, the Bears and an Incredible Weekend Find

Nobody ever will — nor ever should — view the 2016 Cubs as a disappointment. They broke the longest drought in American sports. They changed the very meaning of Chicago Cubs baseball. They captured America’s heart like no baseball team in decades. All of it was a triumph.

And yet — you know “and yet” was coming — you can’t help but feel the Peggy Lee lyrics coming on: “Is that all there is?” Like the 1986 Mets … the 2009 Yankees … the 1957 Braves … it was tempting to believe that was a dynasty in the making. Those Cubs were loaded down with so many terrific young hitters (with more on the way) and such a smart front office, it seemed like the fun would last for a little while.

A very little while, as it turns out. The 2017 Cubs made it to the NLCS after a crazy playoff series against Washington, but they were not competitive against the Dodgers. The 2018 Cubs won 95 games but got knocked out of the tournament by the Colorado Rockies, of all teams. And after that, the team was a shell and spent the next few years rebuilding and disappointing, much to the dismay of Cubs fans who weren’t ready for the party to end.

This weekend, the Chicago Cubs signed Alex Bregman to a five-year, $175 million contract, and while it isn’t the only big move the Cubs have made in recent years (they traded for Kyle Tucker last year and signed Cody Bellinger and Dansby Swanson before that), it FEELS different. It FEELS like a move you make when you’re trying to win the World Series. The Cubs went all in on this one. They gave Bregman the largest average annual value contract in team history. They deferred a lot of the money, which is not usually the Cubs’ way. And they basically shelved their 24-year-old third baseman Matt Shaw, whose rookie year was marked by good defense, inconsistent hitting and him leaving the Cubs during a pennant race to attend Charlie Kirk’s memorial.

How much of a difference will Bregman make? Well, it’s just an opinion, but if he can stay healthy, I think Bregman will alter the Cubs’ chemistry in the best way. He’s a natural leader who still plays good defense and can still hit with power. I don’t suppose he will ever again be the monster that he was in 2018 or 2019, but he has been a 4-5 win player each of the last four seasons, and Red Sox players couldn’t stop gushing about what a force he is in the clubhouse.

This feels to me like the best move of the offseason.

We went to Costco over the weekend — as part of my birthday weekend, I suppose — and our Costco impulse buy (I know you do have them too) was a slushie machine. Yeah. I know.

Our first attempt at making slushies wasn’t great, but our second shot — our attempt to make Coca-Cola slushies — was an absolute home run.

And I mean that both literally and figuratively.

You know how hearing that perfect summer song can transport you to a long-ago moment. Well, drinking that Coca-Cola slushie took me back more than 40 years to the 7-Eleven in our neighborhood. I’d go there pretty much every day (sometimes twice a day), to order a cherry or Coca-Cola slushie … just so I could get one of these 7-11 baseball coins, the kind that change the photo depending on the angle. I estimate that I spent roughly 86% of my net worth weekly buying 7-11 coins.

But, I mean, look at these bad boys!

Often, going back to eat or drink something you loved as a kid ends up being hugely disappointing — this is what the whole Pixifoods series I wrote 15 years ago was all about.*

*I have found my original Pixifoods series from back in 2010 — I’ll go ahead and reprint that if you like.

But the Coca-Cola slushie we made was delightful. It tasted just as great as I remembered. I didn’t get brain-freeze (though Margo did — amateur). I was reminded that with a good slushie, you have to constantly move the straw around to get more slushie.

And I kept thinking about those coins at the bottom of the 7-Eleven cup. Jim Rice! Andre Dawson! Eddie Murray! One year, I know they had Len Barker. You might remember that those coins were held in place by this little false bottom that you would remove. Pulling the coin was a bit like being a spy.

I guess what I’m saying is this: Slushie Machine = Awesome Purchase.

Well, that was some kind of football weekend, wasn’t it? Every game (but one — we’ll get to it) was a thriller. You really have to hand it to the NFL: They know how to enthrall America. I scribbled down a few thoughts:

— You might remember a couple of years ago that I tried to drop the Cleveland Browns and went on a little NFL tour in search of a new football team. Alas, I can’t quit my hometown Browns — to the detriment of my health and well-being — but I will tell you that some stuff does linger from my new-team effort.

For one thing, it turns out that I am a pretty big fan of the Chicago Bears.

I didn’t even realize how big a fan of the Chicago Bears I am until this weekend’s game with the Packers, when I found myself living and dying with every play. It felt, honestly, like how I used to feel about the Browns. I was grumbling to myself about officiating. I was grumbling out loud about the meanness of fate. And finally, I was out of my seat when Caleb Williams threw the sweet touchdown pass to D.J. Moore with less than two minutes left, and out of my seat again when the last Packers pass fell incomplete.

It was pretty wonderful.

Obviously, there’s very little shared history yet. My only true Bears experience was going to the game with my pal Jeff and our daughter Katie. You might know that before that game, Jeff bought Katie a hot dog, and Katie asked the vendor for ketchup, which led the entire stadium to boo her, which was so delightful that we talk about it probably once a month.

Still, I have my team for these playoffs. Good, better, best! Go Bears!

— Of course, I also have a long-standing love and appreciation of the Buffalo Bills (and the city of Buffalo, which is one of my favorites). I so desperately want them to finally win a Super Bowl. So I was rooting hard in that Bills-Jaguars game too.

What happens if the Bears and Bills play each other in the Super Bowl?

I’ll tell you what: If that happens, it will be a very, very happy day.

— Before the wild Rams-Panthers game, Cam Newton came out to bang the drum and lead the crowd … and something occurred to me. It had been YEARS since I’d thought even one time about Cam Newton. And I LIVE IN CHARLOTTE. Newton was one of the most famous athletes in America, one of the most famous people in America. He seemed to be everywhere in my life. And now he’s just invisible. Weird.

— So Mike Schur has a theory, one I’ve come to accept as truth, that the New England Patriots are dementors. We talk about this quite a bit in our upcoming book BIG FAN, coming out May 19 (the New York Times calls it one of the nonfiction books everyone will be talking about this year!).

The theory is that, because Bill Belichick is Scrooge, the Grinch, and Mr. Potter all rolled into one, he specifically built the New England Patriots to not only win championships but also to do so in a way that steals joy from everyone. The perfect Belichick game was an 11-6 mudfight that left everyone, including Patriots fans, feeling just a little bit less happy than they were before the game began.

Belichick is gone, but the Patriots have still got it. On a weekend filled with comebacks, amazing plays, edge-of-seat excitement, the Patriots beat the Chargers in a 16-3 blah-fest that saddened the soul.

By the way, I know that San Diego quarterback Justin Herbert is good. I mean, his numbers are good. His record is good. He’s been to multiple Pro Bowls and received MVP votes. I intellectually know he’s good. But every time I see him, he looks like he did on Sunday — lost and broken. I mean, it wasn’t exactly his fault; the Chargers’ offensive line was a complete mess, and the Patriots’ defense was a runaway train. But I swear, every time I see him play, I think: Why does this guy always look like this when I watch him play?